Iris' Mind

So Excited!!!

2007-10-03T04:49:41Z

OMG my hunny comes in two days and I am so excited I can hardly stand it :) I've been sick the last two weeks and am finally feeling a whole lot better!!! It have been an insane few days of trying to get everything done before I go to pick up Chad but I am confident I will get it all done!
Last night I got an itch to overhaul my room so I started pulling out the remaining things in my closet that are too small or I don't wear anymore and folded them all up to give away to Genny! Kaleigh and I did a little rearranging, I gave them my desk and i got her bookshelf. It worked out well :) Then today a miraculous thing happened, we were driving past comfort inn and saw a sign for free beds. We were able to go over to Best Western and pick out two queen mattresses and one box-spring :) Marcos' dad was sweet and picked up Marcos and they went and picked em up for me while I had to go to Newport for a meeting. When I got home tonight the bed was all set up with my old bed out of my room on end in the dining room ready to be disposed of! :) I was so happy!!!
I have one more day till I see my baby!

Still sick

2007-09-27T03:54:23Z

I am currently in week two of being sick, however, it is a different sick than a week ago. Last week it was my head, this week its my chest. this is no fun at all! *sighs* I really need to get better though because my baby is coming next week and I can't wait!!!! I must be all better for my hunny :) Its crazy to think I am going to be face to face with Chad in exactly a week. I am so excited and so nervous at the same time!! What I do know is that he is one of the best things to ever happen to me :) *sighs dreamily* lol There is so much to get done for work in the next week, I will work hard, even though all I want to do is crawl in bed and relax! I will be a good girl and take care of myself. I'm told its about pacing one's self! :)

Oh yes, it is friday!

2007-09-21T17:23:29Z

It is friday morning and I am feeling the best I have felt all week! I'm finally mostly over this sickness I've been dealing with and feel mostly human :) Even though I was sick all week I actually managed to get alot done this week!!! My goal is to have everything in order by the time Chad gets here so I don't have to worry about anything :) I like feeling productive, its a wonderful thing to feel accomplished and like I am actually moving forward toward a great goal.
I am happy, that is the best way to put my overall state right now and its fantastic! I am with someone who is proud of me, supports me, and is there for me even though he isn't here in the flesh! Genny and I were talking about this the other day, there is a feeling a real man can make you feel, and that feeling is Captivating, and that is how I feel with Chad! He is a real man who knows how to love and I am head over heels for him! Two more weeks, two more weeks, two more weeks! hehehe

Being sick is no fun!

2007-09-18T23:33:59Z

*sighs* It is late afternoon and I am sick; Yes sick and I am not enjoying it one bit I tell you!!! I have spent most of the day feeling like death warmed over and it is no good. The Dayquil I picked up did help a little but not much. So here I sit in misery, plugging through the last hour of my work day! The good news is I have actually been really productive today which makes me feel good because I haven't wanted to do anything! Yet I still prevail and come out triumphant!!!
Tonight I am supposed to go over to Amber's house for dinner and a movie, which I'm really looking forward to! Its been awhile since I've had girl time and I need it! I'm hoping mom, genny and victoria come up here this weekend! That would be awesome cause then we could go see Karen and have a blast! :)
Awwww the dayquil is wearing off! It is almost time for another dose. Then hopefully I'll feel good enough to go over to Ambers! Ok, now time to get back to work so I can get out of here!!!

Yea, its a Monday

2007-09-18T03:33:18Z

Its Monday night and all who know me know exactly where I am right now!!! Yup, I'm in front of the television watching Monday Night Football! :) I'm also giving myself a little r&r because I woke up with a nasty sore throat and just haven't felt good all day! So tonight I am trying to take care of myself and get better...because frankly, I don't have time to get sick!
This morning I had a treatment review for one of the kids on my caseload. All in all I think the meeting went well, but I didn't like how a couple of the people at the table were trying to make him sound like a horrible kid. He is not a bad kid!!! He just needs to be somewhere he can identify with, that will provide structure and boundaries and follow-through! An amazing concept I know! At least we got some plans laid out so the meeting accomplished something :)
Genny helped me come up with the word tonight of how Chad makes me feel...the word is Captivating. With him I feel beautiful, smart, funny, valued, needed, validated and appreciated! Its a totally amazing feeling! I didn't understand what Genny was trying to explain to me when she was first with Jered, but I do now and its wonderful!!!

A beautiful saturday!

2007-09-16T04:08:28Z

I need to have more weeks end like this one! After weeks of emotional roller-coasters and stress, these last three days have been low-key, pleasant and wonderful! I feel relaxed and happy which is a beautiful beautiful thing!!! Today I slept in, cleaned house, cleaned my car, and just plain enjoyed myself! *sighs*
It is now mid-September and the weather is starting to change; it is getting darker earlier there is a fall chill starting to creep into the morning air. The tourists have fled our little coastal town for the most part, and life is calming down a tad.
Right now I am the happiest I have been in a long long long time!!! Chad and I are continuing to do well, and I find myself on the edge of my seat in anticipation for him to get here! I have two and a half more weeks to wait and be patient! I know I can do it, and the wait will be well worth it! :) He is such an amazing man....need I say more, lol!
Also some of my other girlfriend who have been in the same boat as me have also found a special someone!!!! KatieBug, Lexia, Amber, and Amy! We are all happy and no longer single which is fabulous! :) We each are special ladies who deserve the chance to be happy and find love! I am excited for all of us!

A little melancholy

2007-08-12T19:04:43Z

Last night I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow...and it was absolutely beautiful. The ending was poetic, deep, and wonderful! I laughed, I cried, I was moved. When the ending came I was emotionally spent and could nothing else other than take a nap. I spent the rest of the evening feeling a little sad because the end had come. The story and characters I had come to love had finished their tale, and i was left feeling as though something dear to me was lost. After a good night's sleep tho I am feeling much better though and can move on :) I'm looking forward to this afternoon when Kristen comes and she and I can have some girl time! I've been really needing that! This is a good day thus far, and I hope for it to continue as such!!!

some thoughts

2007-08-07T23:37:09Z

It has been several months since I've been on livejournal, and I have no idea why. Doesn't really matter, what does matter is that I've missed writing so I shall begin again! Since february life has been incredibly crazy, for better and for worse! Right now I can say that I am genuinely happy with my life. Of course I'd love to make more money and not worry about finances, but its ok. If thats all I really have to worry about at this point in my life than things are in pretty good shape I think :)

So much has happened in my life lately, Genny gave birth to Isaac, I've met an amazing man whom I'm falling for more and more each day, I love my job, and I am getting along well with everyone! On the down slope I have found myself missing my girlfriends, and boyfriend like crazy. If I felt so inclined I could leave the comforts of my house and go out more with friends rather than secluding myself at home. Heck, even just going over to Rob's house would give me more social interaction than I'm getting now!

Lately with all that has been swimming around in my life I have found myself thinking to the years ahead. I dream of how my life will look; and I love what I see. In many ways I feel that I am on a path that will enable these dreams to come true; I want to get married, have children, travel, and be near those I love! It is all very possible, which is amazing, fabulous, and thrilling. But as Chad reminds me, don't allow yourself to get so caught up in thinking of the future that you forget to live today! This is something I struggle with. I focus on how I'd like things to be rather than being content with how things are! Like I want new furniture, and to have all my bills paid off and I want to lose weight, and all these different things. So I must continually remind myself of what I have and be content with that! Everything else will come with time!

The most important thing to happen in my life is that I have met an amazing man! Chad is everything I have ever hoped for in a companion. He is sweet, funny, intelligent, attentive, intuitive, caring, and just plain wonderful! It mystifies me how a man 1700 miles from me can understand me so well, and yet he does! He listens to me and has a way of picking up on my quirks and he loves them!!! I am so happy...i didn't know it was possible. I now understand how my girlfriends truly felt as they fell in love. Before now I only thought I got it....but no, it was just an illusion to what I understand now! The very thought of him gives me butterflies in my tummy, and I feel as though I am smiling 24/7, its this totally crazy, mystifying, elated feeling that is with me all day long as I think of him and the conversations we have! Chad and I talk to hours and hours and even when we finally get off the phone I feel like we probably could have talked further about anything and everything! We have never met in person, but I honestly feel like I have found my soulmate. The person God picked for me to spend my life with, tho let me tell you I am not in a hurry at all! I am doing my best to enjoy the journey and get to know him. I love every minute that I think about him, talk to him, listen to him. He plays me the guitar and sings to me, omg, i didn't know a man like him existed for me, and yet, here he is, 1700 miles away, willing my heart a little more every day. I think i know understand why they call it falling in love...

iris_simplerain @ 2007-08-07T16:30:00

2007-08-07T23:31:23Z

Looking up

2007-02-06T21:45:16Z

By the end of last week I was so fed up and frustrated I broke down in tears as a means of coping. I just took on too much and there has been so much going on I just felt way in over my head. However I took this weekend to take care of myself! I didn't go anywhere or do anything except watch my favorite shows, finish my book, listen to great jazz music, and relax. I declared it a STRESS-FREE day, which I desperately needed :) So far this week is going much better than last and I am so happy it is! I don't know if I could have taken two weeks back to back like last week! I would have been done-for! At any rate I am feeling much better. Life is the dating world is still stagnant but there are at least two guys I'm interested in, we'll have to see where this goes :) I am learning alot about myself and slowly feel like I am starting to get a grasp of where I am heading and what I need to do to stay happily above water! I hate being out of control. But not controlling everything is good too!

Back to the dating scene

2007-01-30T00:11:31Z

This weekend I did something I've never done before. I went on two dates in one weekend with guys I met on my Yahoo Personals profile. They were nice and I had a good time but it was weird to be out there trying to get know complete strangers. I am glad I did it though. On friday I went to Kyllos with a guy named David and we had a fantastic time, then went to Roadhouse 101 for a drink and to listen to the live band. We like for like 5 hours straight I swear. There was alot I liked about him and a couple things I didn't, but all in all it was a great experience and I'm glad I did it. Saturday night I went out with Levi; he came down from Beaver and we went walking on the beach and to dinner at Galluccis with Kaleigh, and Audrey and Ryan joined us for dinner. He was really hard to talk to though. I had to keep asking him questions and trying to engage him in conversation but you could tell he was nervous and unsure of himself inthe new situation. I won't be going out with him again but it was a good experience.
I learned a couple things this weekend: 1) that it is ok to go out and have a good time without worrying about what is going to happen long term. 2) that I need to re-evaluate what it is I am wanting ina companion. Like with is a serious must have/ have not and what I am willing to put up with if I find myself really falling for someone.
Dating is hard work!!! But it doesn't have to be and so for now I am just going to take my dear sweet time and get to know some great guys! Match.com is a site that I signed up on yesterday and have found some awesome guys on there so far :) It should be fun!

A good day!

2007-01-26T03:18:30Z

So I created the profile on Yahoo Personals and so far I have had a good response! There are two really nice guys who have started talking to me! Its been fun emailing them back and forth today, it'll be fun to see if it goes anywhere. Work was pretty much pointless today since I didn't really have mych to do. Instead I sat and read my book and stuff like that. I'l so glad tomorrow is friday! Seriously!!!
My birthday was yesterday and it went pretty good. Mom, Genny and Victoria came up, and Grandma came down from Tillamook and we all went out to Kyllos for lunch then to the mall for some shopping. It is amazing how quickly went from being about me to being about everybody else. It was like graduation all over again. Genny and I talked about it though when we were in the dressing room at Gap after everyone left. She said it bothered her too. That made me feel better. I guess when you're the oldest it seems natural that everybody else comes first. I did have a good time with them though.
After they left the girls and I went to the gym to try the bellydancing class, it was fun but the teacher was weird. I'm not sure if I'm going to go back. Can't wait till we have our gym pass so we can just go and do whatever, whenever! I'm determined to get back in shape and so far I am doing a good job!!! I've already lost 4 pounds!!! :)

Nervous energy...

2007-01-24T00:10:17Z

Alrighty, I've got nervous engery. Wondering am I doing ok, doing what I'm supposed to do, what I need to do to make life better for Kaleigh and I. Talking to Mom earlier she pointed out that being a parent is far from easy...and I know what. Its a constant cycle of worry and stress and contemplation. I want the best for her, I want her to be happy, healthy and successful. I want what all good parents want for their children and its a tough road to travel. The best way I know how at this point is to model the best I can. Model what is acceptable, and right.
I need to get back to when I was comfortable in my own skin...I will get there but this last month its been hard. My 24th birthday is tomorrow and I am determined to step up and change; to break out of this rut and shine to the fullest extent I can. Because I am a strong, independent, intelligent woman! Look Out!

I feel yucky...

2007-01-22T23:42:34Z

WOW, Its monday afternoon and I am sitting at my desk reeling from this last week. I feel dizzy, light-headed, nauseas, and wiped out and have all week. Somehow I was able to pull it together enough to make it through my foster parent training this weekend which went off without a hitch! This is the same kind of gross feeling I had all spring, and that worries me. I need to snap out of it, although from what I hear it may be a virus going around because other people have been reporting the same symptoms.
The dynamic around our house has changed a great deal over the last few weeks as Audrey met a guy and now has a boyfriend, not to mention is still working the three jobs. Needless to say we went from seeing her very little to not at all. She and Kaleigh pretty much aren't getting along at all these days since Kaleigh thinks Audrey is acting like an immature airhead, which sadly I have to say, I agree. On the other hand I am glad she has found a group of friends to hang out with because I know she was very lonely...and honestly, so are Kaleigh and I. Don't get me wrong, we have fun together, but it would be nice to have a social life outside of work. Seeing as its only me and Bobbie here. I need my girlfriends to go out and have fun with, get a cup of coffee, go shopping, catch a movie, play pool, anything seriously!!! I even resorted to creating a profile through Yahoo Personals and EHarmony. I need to get out more! Have I mentioned how much I miss WWC, I miss having people my own age with endless things to do. Even if it was staying home, they were there with me, I wasn't sitting at home by myself. *sighs* It'll get better, I guess I just need to make more effort. I'll start with going to bible study this week. We need to get a weekly group going, and i think I need to go to church. I stay home FAR too much.

YAY for Holidays! and a New year

2006-12-28T19:55:06Z

Christmas has come and gone and we had a great time! You know what else is totally cool...I get new year's day off!!!! Its totally sweet! I get 3, 3 day weekends within a month!!! I am so stoked :) lol! So this weekend the girls and I are going back to the parent's house so we can bring in the new year with everyone! Should be awesome!
I was so excited Christmas day for Dad to open his present cause I knew I got him the perfect gift, and I was right cause I nearly brought the man to tears!!! It was great!!!! Kaleigh got me a briefcase which I LOVE! and everyone else got things they wanted :) The holiday was a success and now the new year is approaching and I catch myself thinking about what I would like to do differently to improve life for my and the girls.
1. Kaleigh and I are going to take a bellydancing class to get in shape at the community center.
2. I am going to start a savings account.
3. I am going to write in my journal everyday.
4. Start an active group at the church to do things. A night out, bowling, game night, etc.
5. Be more proactive! By taking control of my life rather than just letting things happen to me!

I'm feeling better!

2006-12-20T18:59:57Z

Ok, since I announced the other day that I was going to take control of my life and be happy I have already taken steps to do so! I had lunch with my sister on monday. Picked up my perscriptions, hung out with friends and have gone to be earlier so I am slightly less sluggish! I am far from being back up to par, but i'm getting there :) I've has some lovely conversations with friends this last week. It is so important to stay connected and life is finally coming together for audrey and I. We have Kaleigh, I'm getting my foster parent liscense, she and I both have jobs we love and are getting raises in january! It feels like we're hitting a stride! :) How I just need to get in shape and find a wonderful man!!! That doesn't sound too hard right? lol well the getting in shape part isn't, thats what the gym is for...the great man part however...that could prove a bit more tricky!

In a funk

2006-12-18T18:54:27Z

I'm in a funk and I'm not sure why. Perhaps its the monotiny that I have gotten stuck in. Ya know, I do to work, go to Rob's, watch tv, and sit alot. Yup lots of sitting, I need to spice things up more tho. I need to develop a great social group and do things. Its hard here cause everyone works and goes to school and whatnot, but that doesn't mean we can't set aside a week night to get together and play games, or something. I'm going to step up and take control! I will not let myself slip into a deep depression again. First I am really going to work hard on getting back in shape. Audrey and I are determined! I'm going to get out more! Like coffee dates with Laura, doing things with Kaleigh. I'm going to take advantage of those here for xmas break so I have a social outlet, its really important to me! I have the means to make myself happy! Even if my outlet is lots of phone calls to those I love! WHy can't I make life happen rather than letting it happen to me? This is my goal, to be happy, and full of life! I needn't get pulled down just cause everyone (cept me, audrey, and Katie) is dating, getting engaged, married and having babies. I will rejoice with them! Cause after all, I really am happy for them, I just wish something was happening with me as well :)

Hurray! We have power

2006-12-16T17:40:00Z

So thursday we got this huge storm that knocked out power to all of Lincoln City and Tillamook and surrounding areas. It was insane, we spent yesterday reading, going for a walk. Went to Lee's Chinese for a hot meal cause they actualy had a gas stove. It wasn't that back :)Power came back on this morning at 1:30. It was weird cause the house came back to life suddenly with the washer and dryer, all the lights and whatnot. Its nice to have power back.
The roads are clear so I'm going to drive Kaleigh to Olympia to visit friends. Hopefully Audrey will go with me so that we can stop in Portland and shop. It should be fun, we haven't had the chance to do that in a long time! :)

Ugh, it feels like a wednesday

2006-12-13T19:22:35Z

I'm sitting here at my desk wading through paperwork and feel totally and completely exhausted! Not a little exhausted, but completely wiped out! Ugh, I wish my period would just START! seriously! Anyways, the holidays are nearing and I'm so excited!!! I love shopping for other people, lol.

My Xmas Stocking

2006-12-13T18:18:18Z

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for Iris_simplerain

get your stocking

PMS and whatnot

2006-12-07T18:32:23Z

This week I've been up and down and all around. It hasn't been extreme or anything, just the normal emotionalness before the period. *sighs* The good news tho is that my face is clearing up and I started going to the gym so I am feeling better :) Kaleigh and I had fun at the gym last night playing basketball and she climed the rock wall bout half way up, then I did 20 min on the eliptical machine! I'm determined to take better care of myself!
Yesterday afternoon was so frustrating, I got phone call from mom lecturing me on money management, and had to tell Kaleigh we couldn't go to Olympia because we can't afford it. I was so worried that she'd be really upset, but she took it really well, which was relieving. I don't like letting people down, but at the same time it was good to see how she handled the disappointment. This is all new territory for me, but i think its going pretty well.
This weekend the we are going to get our tree and DECORATE!!! :D I've been saying it for a week and a half, but this weekend it is for sure going to happen!!! I am in the holiday mood today! We have the Christmas music on in the background and its pretty outside! *sighs* My mood is rising and Grey's is on tonight not to mention FOOTBALL! Things are looking up!

Monday morning thoughts

2006-12-04T19:49:51Z

I am sitting here at my desk with my first cup of coffee getting ready to sit down with my boss and run through the day/weeks events. At the beginning of each week we sit down and debrief, which is fun. This weekend was simply wonderful. Kaleigh and I hung out alot and did alot of laughing. I am discovering that she is like me in many ways; for one, she is a hopeless romantic at heart. Sabbath afternoon we went to the beach and it was simply breathtaking. Its beauty captivated us both and we splashed in the water, looked through the tidepools where we saw two gorgeous starfish, and just reveled in its majestic ambiance! Yesterday we did the same thing after going to the gym and playing basketball. Kaleigh met some guys playing soccer in the gym, and I just kept chuckling to myself at the scene.
This next weekend we're going to Olympia so she can see her friends and pick up some of her stuff since she has very little at our house. It was so nice to just hang out, laugh and have fun. Laura joined us Saturday night and they dyed their hair together! It was great!

A brief tirade

2006-11-30T19:18:13Z

Yesterday as I was in staff meeting I had several revelations...the first and more prominent was that the Social Services world has forgot the most important part of the Code of Ethics: Do NO HARM! To me it seems so simple, do everything you can to help you clients and the families that surround them. Do NOT shuffle them around from place to place because it is convienent for YOU! I have encountered FAR too many SWs like this over the last few weeks and it sickens me! Honestly, just because you are close to retiring or are transferring the case to someone else is NOT an excuse to do a half-ass job at the expense of the client. SERIOUSLY!
Ok, I have worked for social services and I know full well that they are overworker, underpayed, and just plain overloaded. They have twice as many cases as they should and half the resources to get their clients any sort of help. But there are still SWs out there who even under those conditions give their clients the best care they can. Those are not the SWs of which I speak. I am speaking of the ones to try to push their responsibilities off on everyone else rather than advocating for their clients and getting them what they need!
I am so sick of everything being about the bottom line of the financial report. Our kids NEED HELP! Why is there only a handful of people willing to fight for resources and funding rather than giving in to the money boss?
Ok my rant is done for now!

Its officially the holiday season!

2006-11-28T00:45:22Z

Thanksgiving has passed without too much havoc and the holiday season is upon us. I spent the weekend at my parents without Genny, Andrew and Audrey, but still had a really good time. The kids hit this HUGE soft spot in my heart that makes me well up with emotion everytime I think about them. Dustan, Sean, Victoria and Shaun are so special to me, and now so is Kaleigh, who Audrey and I have taken in. It is interesting for me to have a 16 yr old in my home whom I am responsible for, but I know this is something I can do and I'm happy I have the chance to make her future as bright as it can be!
We've been thinking about traditions and the one we want to establish in our home. It is so fun that we get to create our own holiday magic as well as show someone the magic who hasn't had the opportunity to live it before! I'm so excited. We are going to decorate and go look at the lights in POrtland and go ice skating downtown! I just love the holdays!!! OOOOHHH and its been trying to snow here all day!!! We've had lots of hail and sleet, but no honest to goodness snow! Maybe by the weekend!

And then there were three

2006-11-16T22:51:41Z

Audrey and I are taking in Kaleigh. A 16 yr old girl. We've known her for awhile and this girl is in need of some serious help, love and stability. It will take much more than that to heal her, but its a good start. She deserves a chance to shine and be a normal 16 yr old for awhile.
I'm so happy its Thursday. Grey's Anatomy and ER are on tonight and I'm going to bible study at Korts with Audrey which should be fun! I enjoyed going to church on Sabbath with Audrey and Genny, everyone seemed so genuinely happy to see us! And they all invited us over for food! YAY for Joanne's brownies and ice cream!
Oke my headache is subsiding. Lets hope it goes awhile completely. Migraines are no fun at all! UGH. NOw to get back to work.